A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO MOSS.

UNFORTUNATELY, AN ANONYMOUS MESSAGE OVER THE INTERNET IS NOT ENOUGH TO LOCATE YOU WITH THE DIVINATIONS AT OUR DISPOSAL. THE DREAM WORLD DEFENSE AUTHORITY MAGIC RESEARCH DIVISION HAS BEEN WORKING ON IT, BUT UNFORTUNATELY THEY ARE CONFOUNDED BY THE PROBLEMS POSED BY DYNAMIC ADDRESSES.

THUS, WE CANNOT TELL YOU YOUR NAME. WE ASSUME YOU ARE ASKING BECAUSE YOU CANNOT IDENTIFY ANY FRIENDS OR FAMILY TO PROVIDE YOU WITH THIS INFORMATION; WE SUGGEST SPEAKING WITH THE AUTHORITIES AND DETERMINING IF THERE HAVE BEEN ANY REPORTS OF MISSING PERSONS MATCHING YOUR DESCRIPTION.

WE WISH YOU LUCK IN RESOLVING THIS CRISIS.

TO OUR OTHER READERS, MEMORY LOSS IS A SERIOUS CONDITION THAT AFFECTS MANY PEOPLE, PARTICULARLY THE ELDERLY. IF A LOVED ONE BEGINS TO DISPLAY SUCH SYMPTOMS, BE SURE TO SPEAK WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL IN ORDER TO PROMPTLY DIAGNOSE THE CAUSE. EVEN IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE SERIOUS, DON’T GIVE UP HOPE. WITH THE SUPPORT OF YOU AND OTHERS, YOUR LOVED ONE WILL BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY AND HAPPY LIFESTYLE FOR MANY DAYS TO COME.

IF WE WERE TO COMPILE A COMPLETE LIST OF ADJECTIVES USED TO DESCRIBE OURSELVES, THE WORD “MOE” WOULD NOT APPEAR ANYWHERE ON THAT LIST. IN FACT, WE’RE NOT EVEN SURE WHAT “MOE” IS, AND THE SAME APPEARS TO APPLY TO THE VOTERS.

IN OTHER WORDS, WE DO NOT CARE. IF WE ACTUALLY DID WELL IN THE COMPETITION IT WOULD BE MORE OF A MOCKERY THAN ANYTHING; BETTER TO LEAVE THAT SORT OF NONSENSE TO IMAGINARY CATFISH AND PERSONIFIED GOOGLY-EYED HATS.

IF THERE WAS SOME SORT OF “SEIINFORMATIVE” OR “SEIEFFICIENT” POLL WE WOULD BE FAR MORE INTERESTED IN THAT.

NO. WE FIND MOST OF THE SOUNDS AND IMAGERY OF CHRISTMAS TO BE ANNOYING, AND THE INTENT OF THE HOLIDAY IS MOSTLY TRAMPLED BY RAMPANT CONSUMERISM.

WE DO SUPPORT THE FAMILY VALUES IT REINFORCES, THOUGH, SO WE’D SAY IT’S A WASH.

IF THERE WAS ONE TRADITION WE ENJOYED ABOUT CHRISTMAS, WE’D SAY IT’D HAVE TO BE THAT DELIGHTFUL MOVIE. YOU KNOW THE ONE.

UNLESS YOU COUNT OUR CORRESPONDENCE WITH DR. YAGOKORO, NO; WE HAVE NOT YET HAD THE (QUESTIONABLE) PLEASURE OF SPEAKING WITH THEM. HOWEVER, THEY DO SLEEP AND THEY DO DREAM SO WE CAN STILL TELL YOU PLENTY ABOUT THEM.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH LUNARIAN SOCIETY IS THE ECHO CHAMBER EFFECT. PROBABLY DUE TO THEIR ISOLATIONISM, THE GREAT SUCCESS THEY’VE HAD WITH THEIR TINY SOCIETY HAS LED THEM TO BELIEVE THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF ERROR AND THAT THEIR INFLUENCE REACHES MUCH FARTHER THAN IT ACTUALLY DOES.

TO GIVE AN EXAMPLE, LUNARIANS GENUINELY BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CREATION OF MAGIC AND YOUKAI.

EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING THE FULL HISTORY OF EARTH WE’RE CERTAIN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW PREPOSTEROUS THIS IS. THIS IS THE SORT OF PROPAGANDA AND REVISIONISM THAT IS SPREAD AROUND THE LUNAR CAPITOL. IMAGINE IF NORTH KOREA’S TECHNOLOGY WAS LEAPS AHEAD OF THE REST OF THE WORLD’S, AND THAT SHOULD GIVE YOU A GOOD IDEA OF WHAT IT’S LIKE UP THERE.

THAT’S NOT TO SAY THEY DON’T HAVE A FANTASTIC QUALITY OF LIFE ON THE MOON. IT REALLY IS A WONDERFUL CITY. BUT WITH THE WAY THEY ARE, IT’S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME TO TRY TO INTERACT WITH THEM.

NOT TO WORRY - THE WORKS OF THE SCP FOUNDATION ARE SIMPLY FICTION. IF THE SHEER NUMBER OF INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS CREATURES AND OBJECTS PRESENTED BY THE FOUNDATION WERE REAL, SURELY YOUR WORLD WOULD HAVE BEEN ANNIHILATED ALREADY.

EXCEPT FOR SCP-173. THAT ONE IS REAL. THE ONE IN CAPTIVITY WAS ENCOUNTERED IN ████████ AND THERE MAY BE AS MANY AS ██ OF THEM STILL ON THE LOOSE IN THAT GENERAL AREA. FORTUNATELY, A SIMPLE METHOD OF AVOIDING CONTACT WITH THEM IS TO [DATA EXPUNGED].

JUST FOLLOW THOSE STEPS AND YOU’LL BE FINE. 

OH, ALSO, WE’VE JUST NOTICED THAT THIS IS OUR 100TH RESPONSE. WE BELIEVE WE CAN RUSTLE UP ANOTHER PIECE OF CUSTOMARY EROTICA FOR THE OCCASION.

SURELY YOU WON’T HAVE ANY TROUBLE KEEPING YOUR EYES OFF THIS ONE. 

WHILE THE CHARACTERS YOU’VE DESCRIBED ARE BRAINS HOUSED WITHIN CONSTRUCTS LIKE OURSELVES, THE FACT REMAINS THAT THEY ARE STILL HUMAN BRAINS.

HUMAN COMMUNICATION DOES NOT COME NATURALLY TO US CREATURES OF THE DREAM WORLD. WE DO NOT HAVE THE MANNERISMS A HUMAN WOULD HAVE; OUR VOICE WOULD SOUND MONOTONE BY COMPARISON. AND, AS DISCUSSED EARLIER, RATHER LOUD.

THE BEST LIKENESS OF OUR VOICES THAT WE CAN OFFER AT THE MOMENT WOULD BE THAT OF THE ROBOT FROM LOST IN SPACE.

IT WOULD BE FOOLISH TO THINK THAT THERE ARE NO LIMITS TO WHAT HUMAN TECHNOLOGY CAN ACCOMPLISH. FOR INSTANCE, WE SINCERELY DOUBT YOU - OR WE, FOR THAT MATTER - WILL EVER BE ABLE TO OVERCOME THE LIMITATION OF ONLY PERCEIVING THREE DIMENSIONS.

HOWEVER, WE DON’T THINK YOU’RE LIKELY TO HIT ANY OF THOSE LIMITS ANYTIME SOON. IN FACT, YOU SEEM TO BE DEVELOPING TECHNOLOGIES FASTER THAN YOUR SOCIETY CAN ADJUST TO THEM.

RATHER THAN WORRYING ABOUT RUNNING INTO SOME SORT OF CEILING, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD BE MORE CONCERNED WITH PROGRESS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. YOU MAY VERY WELL WIND UP WITH DEVELOPMENTS WHOSE CONSEQUENCES ARE DOWNRIGHT FRIGHTENING.

YOUR FAILURE TO ARRIVE CONSTITUTES A FORFEIT, HUMAN. WE EXPECT YOUR BAG OF CANDY IN THE MAIL SHORTLY.

ANYWAY, NO, MY MOUNTAIN IMAGE IS SIMPLY A STYLIZED ORIGINAL DESIGN. I SUPPOSE THERE MAY BE A MOUNTAIN THAT RESEMBLES IT SOMEWHERE, BUT THAT WOULD ONLY BE A COINCIDENCE.

YOU MAY ADMIRE IT UP CLOSE, IF YOU LIKE.

NOT OFTEN, ESPECIALLY IN RECENT YEARS. GAMES THAT SUIT OUR TASTES HAVE BECOME INCREASINGLY RARE. FOR REFERENCE, OUR FAVORITE GAME IS TETRIS.

A MORE RECENT TITLE WE CAN RECOMMEND IS SPACECHEM. WHILE IT REGRETTABLY DOES NOT FEATURE REAL WORLD CHEMISTRY, IT SHOULD PROVIDE AN ENGAGING CHALLENGE FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH AN INTEREST IN PROGRAMMING OR ENGINEERING.

[ really, it’s a great open-ended puzzle game. it’s got a demo, give it a try! ]

SHE MISPLACED HERSELF. MISS MIMA LEFT GENSOKYO SHORTLY AFTER THE SPELLCARD RULES WERE INTRODUCED WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO ANYBODY ABOUT IT.

THE LAST TIME WE SAW HER, SHE WAS ON HER WAY BACK TO HER ESTATE IN MAKAI, REIMADEN. SHE APPEARED VERY DISCONTENT AT THE TIME.

NO. WE DO NOT CONDONE THE USE OF YOUR VILE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.

IF IT WAS IN ANY WAY FEASIBLE TO ENFORCE WE WOULD INSIST THAT PROHIBITION STILL BE IN EFFECT.

GREETINGS MISS ELLY, GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU.

YOU SEEM CONFUSED - MUGENKAN IS NOT ACTUALLY PART OF THE DREAM WORLD. IT IS A TINY BUT INDEPENDENT PLANE THAT HAS ACCESS TO THE DREAM WORLD.

SO, WHILE YOU MAY HAVE MET WITH VARIOUS OTHER DREAM WORLD CREATURES, YOU WOULD HAVE TO ENTER THE DREAM WORLD PROPER TO COME SEE US IN PERSON. (CONSIDER YOURSELF WELCOME TO DO SO ANYTIME, BY THE WAY.)

ALSO, WE SUGGEST BEING CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT MISS KAZAMI, AS WE UNDERSTAND SHE ALSO MAINTAINS A QUESTION BLOG LIKE THIS ONE AND SHE MAY RUN ACROSS WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN HERE.

INDEED, THERE IS A CORRELATION; AN INVERSE ONE, TO BE PRECISE. LARGE BREASTS HAVE A MUCH HIGHER RATIO OF FATTY TISSUE, SO YOUR SLIMMER BUST COULD BE ATTRIBUTED TO YOUR VIGOROUS WORK ROUTINE.

HERE, WE HAVE COMPOSED A HELPFUL DIAGRAM OF THE BREASTS OF MANY YOUNG WOMEN AT VARIOUS LEVELS OF REGULAR PHYSICAL ACTIVITY.

AS YOU CAN SEE, LARGER BUSTS GENERALLY ACCOMPANY MORE SEDENTARY LIFESTYLES.

SURELY YOU CAN AGREE THAT A STRONG WORK ETHIC AND TRIM, EFFICIENT PHYSIQUE ARE PREFERABLE TO A PAIR OF USELESS SACKS OF FAT. WE SUGGEST YOU STOP TROUBLING YOURSELF WITH THIS SUBJECT.

YES, AND HOW.

THE IMAGES OF MANY TERRIBLE CREATURES STALK THE COLLECTIVE MEMORY OF THE FAIRIES IN THEIR DREAMS. 

ACTUALLY, LUCID DREAMS DO NOT OCCUR IN THE DREAM WORLD AT ALL. YOUR CONNECTION TO THE DREAM WORLD STEMS FROM YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS, AND DURING A LUCID DREAM YOU ARE TAKING CONSCIOUS CONTROL OF WHAT YOU ARE SEEING, SO THAT CONNECTION IS BROKEN.

IT IS THEORETICALLY POSSIBLE TO VIEW THE DREAM WORLD OUTSIDE OF YOUR DREAM BUBBLE, BUT WE ARE NOT AWARE OF ANY INSTANCES OF THIS HAPPENING WITHOUT SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS AT PLAY. IT IS PROBABLY NOT FEASIBLE FOR A HUMAN SUBCONSCIOUS TO MANAGE.

WE SUSPECT IT IS DUE TO THEIR HIGHLY ARTIFICIAL APPEARANCE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS ABOUT HER EARS WE’RE CERTAIN SHE’LL BE HAPPY TO ANSWER THEM.

AT LEAST 99.9% OF TUMBLR USERS ARE HUMAN. IT IS ENTIRELY FAIR TO MAKE THAT ASSUMPTION.

IF BEING IDENTIFIED AS A HUMAN BOTHERS YOU, USE AN ACCOUNT THAT SHOWS YOUR IDENTITY INSTEAD OF POSTING ANONYMOUSLY. 

WE’VE LOST TRACK OF WHAT THIS WAS IN RESPONSE TO, BUT NEVER FEAR; NECROMANCY IS ALWAYS AN OPTION.

IN THE CURRENT ECONOMY, MANY DEMONS ARE OFFERING COMPETITIVELY-PRICED CONTRACTS FOR THE REVIVAL OF DEAD FAMILY MEMBERS. SHOP AROUND AND YOU MAY FIND A GOOD DEAL, BUT BE SURE TO READ THE FINE PRINT.

IF YOU’D LIKE TO RAISE HER FROM THE DEAD YOURSELF, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF WAYS TO DO SO. IF HER CORPSE IS STILL IN GOOD CONDITION, COULD WE RECOMMEND TURNING HER INTO A JIANG SHI? AS THE LATE MISS MIYAKO CAN DEMONSTRATE, SHE WON’T BE QUITE THE SAME, BUT WE’RE SURE SHE CAN STILL BE GOOD COMPANY.

IF HE WAS FROM THE DREAM WORLD HE WOULD AT LEAST SHOW A LITTLE MORE INSPIRATION IN HIS FILMS.

BUT NO, HE IS NOT FROM THE DREAM WORLD. HOWEVER, HIS ORIGINS ARE INDEED MYSTERIOUS; YOU AND YOUR FRIEND ARE RIGHT TO BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING THEM.

HE SEEMS TO TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN HIS TERRIBLE CREATIONS. PERHAPS HE IS A DEMON? WE SUSPECT HE MAY HAVE SOME CONNECTION TO UWE BOLL, AS WELL.

YES, YES, YOU’VE CAUGHT US. WE DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE ANY MAGIC POWERS. WE ARE JUST NORMAL ROCKS, NO SUPERNATURAL FORCES AT PLAY WHATSOEVER.

OF COURSE WE’RE MAGICAL.

HOW COULD WE TALK TO YOU IF WE WEREN’T MAGICAL? HOW COULD YOU THINK OTHERWISE? DO WE HAVE TO PUT ON A WIZARD HAT AND CAST A SPELL FOR YOU?

LOOK, HERE I AM, WEARING A WIZARD HAT AND CASTING MAGIC MISSILE, JUST TO SHOW YOU HOW MAGICAL I AM. IS THIS SUFFICIENT PROOF FOR YOU, YOU MORON?